Why it's important to know what you don't want in life

The world is increasingly marked by widespread confusion today. Developments are fast, ambitions are soaring and competition is at an all-time high. Needless to say, being ambitious in this day and age can amount to humongous pressure and choices can acquire extraordinary gravitas. Almost all of us might wonder if we are choosing wisely and if there will be unpredictable consequences to our choices.

In the case of being unable to make a choice and acting under pressure, we might just feel a lack of control over our own lives. In either circumstance, the underlying question remains the same: what do we want out of life? A question like this, that is as universal as unanswered, might need some modification for a suitable response. If the above question is about asking what we want, by the same token, it is also worth asking, what do we not want in life?

It is perhaps easier to answer the aforementioned question. While it can be easily said that one does not want pain, misery, illness, poverty, hatred, fear, discomfort and loneliness in life, answering what we do not want is more than a mere response. It is a fundamental recalibration of thinking, a different way to imagine ambition and a crucial strategy to deal with the immensity of life. Instead of seeking what we want and never finding substantial goals, mulling over what to elude and as a corollary, finding out what is the opposite of what we do not want, can help us both avoid problems and come closer to getting what we want, after reasonable consideration.

The reason why thinking of what we do not want is significant because it makes our ambition, alongside its accomplishment more realistic. Mark Manson writes in a Quartz article, "The positive is the side effect of handling the negative." This is indeed true in a circumstance of widespread disillusionment and lack of action. Manson writes, "If you find yourself wanting something month after month, year after year, yet nothing happens and you never come any closer to it, then maybe what you actually want is a fantasy, an idealization, an image and a false promise. Maybe what you want isn't what you want, you just enjoy wanting."

If merely wanting something cannot catalyze action, not wanting something might. For example, one might want to have wonderful physical health and keep dreaming of it, always falling short of one's goals. However, if we think about what is not wanted in the same circumstance ie disease, suffering and consequent diffidence, the stakes might change altogether. One can quit unhealthy practices to avoid ailments, which is a much more action-centric paradigm, because in this case, the goal is not an elusive, coveted prize but an end-result which must be avoided to not end in jeopardy.

A story documented by the American Lung Association directly illustrates the efficacy of thinking what not to want. Dorothy K., while telling her story of quitting smoking recounts, "We'd always known that smoking was bad for our health, but it was just such a part of our lives that quitting was never a huge priority – until our health insurance changed. My husband and I are covered by a plan through his work, and under the new policy, we were told that our premiums would go up $100 a month if we continued smoking." In this case, the push to think of what not to want came with an externality which increased the immediate cost of going ahead with a detrimental practice, but it worked effectively. To not want financial burden alongside the added risk of health trouble made someone who had been smoking for 42 years change her ways and accomplish her aim.

This is the need of the hour: a push in the direction of avoiding the circumstances we dread the most. However, it might not always be externally supplied. Through deep introspection, we must ask ourselves, "What do I not want? What will happen if I end up getting what I do not want?", and let the zeal to not meet undesirable ends fuel our quest for meaning, joy and achievement. This is not to say, the linear, straightforward and positive thinking has to be done away with, but the point is to balance ambition, while thinking of negative consequences and coming up with realistic plans of action.

Thinking of what to not want is coupling desire and ambition with intelligence and pragmatism. Such a worldview places putting work into your desires and dreams instead of stagnating in fancy. So, march forth, fight what you do not want and emerge victorious!

(The author is Chief Impact Officer at Recykal Foundation)